Thursday, 24 April 2014

The curious case of the pot and the kettle


In a staggering display of pomp, Portuguese reverse-psychology master, José Mourinho, has again expressed his opinions over the latest controversy to court this year's self-finding competition.



Above: Mourinho makes it known where he believes this year's competition will be won and lost

Last night, 'a source close to both parties' revealed that 3rd placed Mr A Grimsey - aged 41 3/4 of Luton, Bedfordshire - had texted the surprise leader, Darren Oakley-Martin, with news of a White-fronted Goose that may or may not have landed at Derek White's Eggs Pits, thereby scuppering any chance of the latter self-finding it the following morning.

Mourinho commented ''as I understand, Grimsey has never texted Oakley-Martin before. I do not even know how he got his number.'' He continued, ''this was a clear attempt to destabilise his competitor. If I had ever played mind games like this, I would have been bloody well fined. Or something. Very clever...blatant, but clever...he must have read my autobiography.''

''I would never, ever admit to committing an act of deliberate and calculated psychological manipulation.'' he untruthed.

''This is a bit like an owl telling a sparrow it has a big head.'' he somewhat bewilderingly concluded, clumsily using a birding idiom.

DOM





8 comments:

  1. Is this true? About Mr. Grimsey I mean................This is using information as a weapon of mass destruction!
    Beware of texts........

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    1. Oh yeah Matt. The truth is out now matey. Who needs a sting op from a hapless News of the World hack?!

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  2. Wish I could ignore all texts! I should have a handicap weighting of ten extra species...per text...

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  3. The curse of the recorder! You need a handicap to keep the rest of us interested..................

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    1. Too right M. The bloody fool should not have volunteered to be county recorder then, should he? At least the texts he receives are not Machiavellian in their intent! D

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  4. My point is that if someone finds something then they should do their best to inform others, not keep it secret (unless absolutely necessary). Part of the point of this competition is to find more stuff and let others see it, not to win...

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    1. This is stating the bleedin' obvious, mate. I think everyone does this as a matter of course, but one would have to question the motivation for informing one specific individual of news, rather than a whole group. As for the second part of your statement - well, that is both hilarious and a teensy-bit disingenuous. You are massively competitive - more so than anyone I think I know! A competitive nature is no bad thing however!

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  5. It is to win! Steve, you tree-hugging lefty......................

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