Four months in (or a full term) and here are the eagerly awaited end of term reports for 2014 SFYL competitors, comments gratefully
provided by Leonard Godiva Rasputin Heavens, Chief Operating Officer and
Executive Director of the UK Finding Organisation, referred to occasionally as ‘The UFO Club’ by knowing
wags and those who can’t be arsed to keep a self-found list.
Richard Bashford
Richard began 2014 with high hopes for the year; his
arch-rival and self-finding nemesis Stephen Blain having acquired a pocket-sized person
during the latter stages of 2013. Would he ever have a better opportunity to
claim the no.1 spot? Unfortunately, Richard’s mind has wandered somewhat this
term, namely to Thailand, Morocco, Yorkshire. One feels he will need more than
one vagrant seaduck to make up his losses so far. C+
Stephen Blain
By his own exemplary standards, this has been a poor
start to the year for Steve. He may justify this by way of recent family additions,
but he must appreciate that personal lives must be left at home, or at least
upon entry through the self-finding door. Fiercely proud, he will not give up
his crown without a fight, but by way of mitigation, is getting his excuses in
early. C+
Matthew Burgess
Following his habitual slow start, it has been an
excellent second part of the first term for Matthew and he has handed in some
excellent fieldwork. Popular with his fellow adversaries, many harbour fears
that he will have his eyes turned in the coming months, namely to a moth trap
situated in an Upper Caldecote garden. B+
Andrew Grimsey
Andrew has spent the latter part of this term occupying
the naughty step, with persistent rumours of psychological harassment towards
other competitors tainting his excellent results. There is a suggestion that
Andrew is operating within his comfort zone, but there is no doubting the
quality of his work. Must grow out of his Machiavelli hero-worship. B+
Roger Hicks
Roger is another who knows his subject area (Henlow and
environs) intimately and has unearthed some excellent finds, but he must
realise that he is allowed to find birds outside of TL13. Perhaps he needs to
buy my book ‘Finding Birds in Bedfordshire’, signed copies available from LGRH
Publications for the discounted price of £149.99 + £35.16 postage and
packaging. B
John Lynch
The class ‘quiet man’, John has produced some excellent
finds so far this year, but has found the ‘easier’ work more taxing. Some
commentators believe that he has missed several key birds this year, due to receiving
persistent text messages about mixed–singing Chiffchaffs, hybrid aythya ducks
and Common Gulls at Marston Vale Country Park. If he can avoid these unwanted
distractions, John could have an excellent year and be a serious contender. B+
Darren Oakley-Martin
No-one is more surprised to be top of the class than Darren,
but he must understand that texting kisses to his teacher will not be
tolerated. There is also a suggestion that his score has been achieved with an
element of subterfuge and by copying the previous years’ work of his fellow
competitors. May succumb to perennial seasonal adjusted disorder or habit of
disappearing up his own arse for prolonged periods. B
Martin Palmer
Martin started the year in the manner of a startled hare,
but has been rather lax of late and has been quietly reprimanded by fellow
competitors for keeping his work close to his chest. As a result, I have marked
him down for this infelicitous secrecy. There is also a suggestion that his recent
self-finding form is directly correlated with the sympathy he feels for the erstwhile
manager of his pet football team. Until he hands in his work, judgement is
suspended.